Missing You
by Telyse
Summary: It's been a few months after Justin left for NYC and Brian isn't taking it well. Can he go much longer without him? NOTE: I own only the plot; not the characters or any other references found in the show.
1. Hurt

Rain poured down creating a gentle pitter-patter on the window. Brian was in his bed, alone for once, soaking the seets in sweat, unableto lay still for even a moment. He was asleep, but he was having a nightmare. All he could see was Justin, and all he could hear was _I want you to do what makes you happy._ "You make me happy!" Brian yelled in his sleep as he tossed and turned uneasily in his bed. With a sudden large inhale of breath, Brian flew up in his bed, panting and looking around his loft.

Brian got himself up and stammered to the bathroom. He hadn't felt this bad since his chemotherapy. With his eyes barely open, Brian emptied his bladder then climbed into his shower to wash the warm sticky sweat from his toned body. As Brian washed himself, images of Justin and him in the shower flashed through his mind. He balled his hand into a fist then slammed it into the door of the shower, making a small circle of outreaching cracks where it took the blow. Tiny streams of blood oozed from where Brian's skin met the glass but he didn't care. He leaned his head against the door and let the water run down his back and splash to the slippery tiles before escaping down the drain.

After his shower, his attempt to wash away his memories, Brian wrapped a tower around his waist and went into the kitchen. He opened his fridge and found nothing more than poppers and beer. "The essentials." He said to himself as he prepared for a high. Brian grabbed a bottle of beer and walked to the window. His view was blurred from the rain running down the cold glass. The sun was barely visible behind the luminous building of Pittsburgh. Standing before the window the memory of the night Justin had dressed like a hooker in their attempt to convict the man who killed Jason Kempf danced inside his mind, until it was all he could see. "You looked hot..." he said to the window like he had told Justin just to see him smile and lighten the mood.

Brian tilted his beer up letting it run through his mouth and down his throat as he held back salty tears. It had been a few months since Justin left Brian to be a huge successful artist in New York. For a few months Brian was fine. He told himself he could live without Justin, but that soon changed when his work began to lack and his lust began to die. No one had really noticed the changes too much so Brian figured he was safe and could continue to uphold his 'fuck everyone' attitude. He was careful to avoid Debbie though, because Debbie had a way of piercing through everyone and anyone's outter shell; even if they want nothing more than for her to go away.

The sun began to rise high into the sky, illuminating the loft and signaling for the day to begin. Traffic began to pick up outside and people began bustling along the streets. Brian got dressed for work, though he didn't want to go. Everything he did, everything he saw, reminded him of Justin. Now he wasn't even safe from those memories in his dreams. Brian shoved the boards he was working on for _Brown Athletics_ new campaign into his bag and swung it over his shoulder. Then he went to the door and with one strong pull, hauled the rusted green door all the way open. He slipped out and slammed the door behind him.

Brian took the elevator to the first floor and hurried out the door, his tie and suit coat flying behind him. He went to his jeep and threw his bag on the passenger's seat then climbed in and looked over his face in the rear view mirror. Brian crammed the key into the ignition and turned the key, causing his jeep roar to life. He clutched the shifter and cranked it to drive then pressed the gas petal to the floor and soared down the road. He decided to stop by the diner for some coffee to try to keep himself awake so he would be able to work. When he reached the very colorful eating establishment, he parked his car and went inside. Upon his first glance of the place, he saw no one except the nosy Debbie; but after all, she did work there. "Well, well, if it isn't Mr. Kinney." Debbie said with a laugh when she spotted him. "Haven't seen you in awhile." She said as she made her way over to him. Brian sat at the booth close to him and put his head in his hands, staring at the table.

"Debbie, coffee, please." He uttered to her before she reached him. Debbie grabbed the pot of coffee off the burner then grabbed a glass from the shelf and headed back to Brian.

"You look like shit." She said standing next to the table.

"Thank you very much. Can I have some fucking coffee so I can go to work?" he said looking up at her with anger in his voice. He didn't mean, for once, to snap at her. He was just very tired and miserable.

"That's better." Debbie said with sarcasm and poured some coffee into the cup then shoved it to him. With a sigh, Debbie set the pot on the table and sat across from Brian. "Sure aint the same with Sunshine gone." After saying that, Debbie looked at Brian and noticed he winced a little. "How are you holding up?" she asked him lowering her head trying to make eye contact with him.

"I'm fucking fabulous." He said sipping his coffee, not looking at her once. He knew his eyes would give away his lie. However, Brian knew Debbie knew he was lying.

"Cut the fucking superiour _i'm impervious_ bullshit already. You're 35 fucking years old, and believe me, you're not getting any younger." Debbie smacked Brian on the side of the head and picked up her pot then went back to taking and delivering orders. Brian finished his coffee, left money on the table, and left. As he was walking to jeep through, Emmett and Ted were walking down the street. _Shit! Just what I don't need_ Brian said to himself.

"Hey baby!" Emmett said with a smile as he half skipped to Brian. Emmett tried to hug Brian but Brian put his arms up to stop him. "How are you?" Emmett asked as he backed off.

"I'm fine. If you don't mind, I need to get to work." Brian said as he put one foot forward to walk to his jeep but stop and turned to Ted. "Speaking of which, why the fuck aren't you there, Theodore?" he asked with a small smile and slight amusement in his eyes.

"I was, uh, on my, uh, way there now, Bri." he was looking at the ground. Ted was slightly afraid of Brian, which was why Brian waqs so amused with tormenting him.

"Well you best hurry your ass there. You don't want to loose your job now would you?" He said as he walked to his jeep and climbed in to soar to work. When he reached _Kinnetic_, Brian swerved into a parking spot and with a screeching halt, parked his car then grabbed his bag and went inside. Cynthia was waiting for him at the door with a stack of papers in her arms.

"It's about time you got here." She said to him through a smile. "_Brown Athletics_ called, they want to push their meeting." She said hurrying alongside him, reviewing the papers in her arms. "Oh and Michael called."

"What did Michael want?" Brian asked, ingorning her comment about _Brown Athletics._

"Just said to have you call him when you got the chance. What do you want to do about _Brown Athletics_ though?"she said more concerned with the days tasks then with Michael.

"Tell the fuckers that I have other meetings today beside them and that I have their presentation ready so if they don't want to meet today, they can fuck themselves." Brian went into his office and let the door shut in Cynthia's face. She sighed and went back to her work. Brian opened his drawer on his desk and stared at the picture of Justin he had. He stroked it with his finger and lifted it to reveal the phone number for Justin that Michael had given him. Brian picked up the phone and began to dial the number, but as soon as Justin picked up he slammed the phone down. "Why wouldn't you just marry me?" He yelled at the picture and threw it across the room. A few tears escaped Brian's eyes and splashed onto the top of his desk, the broken frame lying shattered on the ground.


	2. New York

"Fuck

"Fuck!" Justin threw his paintbrush at the ground and shook the pain and stiffness from his hand. He suddenly heard Brian's voice in his ear, soft and sweet. _Just don't think about it, ok?_ "Ok" Justin said with a smile as he bent down to pick up his paintbrush. Justin stared at the picture he was working on. It was supposed to be an image of Picasso, but it looked like Brian. Everything Justin did lately reminded him of Brian. Portraits, male or female, always turned out to look like Brian. Justin threw his paining at the ground and sat on the metal chair in the corner.

It had been a few months since he left Pittsburgh. He moved to New York and found himself a small, very run down, loft to stay in until he got money to get himself a better place. There was no heat and the plumbing was hardly functioning but it was a roof over his head. Justin groaned loudly with frustration and beat his head against the wall. Not hard of course because he didn't want to end up in the hospital again but Justin couldn't get Brian out of his head.

Just wrapped his scarf around his neck and left the loft. "Maybe a bit of fresh air will do me some good." Justin said to himself as he walked along the frosted sidewalks of the bustling city. He had gotten use to the constant busyness of the city and it soothed him at night now to hear the sirens and cars roaring up and down the streets. The crisp air stung Justin's lungs a bit as he inhaled the morning New York air.

_A stroll through the park should be good_ he thought to himself. He ran across the road to the park where people were walking, sitting, and playing with children and/or animals. However, Justin's heart dropped to his knees when he saw people, hetero's, on benches wrapped in each other's arms loving each other. "That was almost us." Justin said as he passed them in a hurried pace. He knew he left Brian but he did it for good reason, or so he thought he did. Brian offered to marry Justin, but Brian had changed. He changed into almost a completely different person. Justin fell in love with the 'fuck everyone' and 'I don't do boyfriends' not the 'what ever you want' Brian. When he and Brian decided to call off the wedding, it was as though someone drove a knife through Justin's heart but he knew it had to be done.

Justin rushed past any couple he saw in hopes that he would forget about Brian. It didn't work. Instead, Justin thought about Brian more. _He didn't change that much I suppose. I'm sure Michael or someone gave him my phone number; still he hasn't made any attempt to contact me...what have I done?_ This wasn't the first time Justin beat himself up over the situation since he and Brian broke up. Justin continued to journey through the park until he reached the large fountain in the center where street performers usually settled. He was about to walk around the fountain and head to the field when suddenly his heart stopped and he couldn't move. In front of him stood Ethan. His _ex_ Ethan.

"No fucking way!" Ethan said looking at Justin and lowering his violin. "What are you doing in New York?" He asked with a smile as he walked closer to Justin. "You're boyfriend decide you needed a vacation together?"

"Brian and I are no longer together." Justin said, choking over the words.

"For how long?" Ethan responded with a slight chuckle as he got closer and closer to Justin until he was nearly on top of him.

"For good. We were supposed to get married but it didn't work out. We were too different." Justin said looking into Ethan's eyes that were directly in front of him. Ethan was still as gorgeous as ever. He couldn't take his eyes off of him.

"No shit. So you came to visit New York?" He asked with sympathy in his eyes.

"Actually, I moved here. Figured I should focus on my art now." Justin said.

"I moved here after you and I, you know. Came to focus on my music and expand my career. I'm part of an orchestra now." Ethan said with pride in his voice.

Justin laughed slightly. "Yet you're still out here peddling your ass." He looked at Ethan's violin case which had a decent amount of money in it.

"New York is quite expensive. Every little bit helps." He said turning Justin's face back to his. Ethan kissed Justin with his warm sweet lips. Justin liked it, but pulled away.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked with confusion yet longing on his face.

"I figured with Brian gone, and far away, that maybe we could be together; again. I missed you a lot Justin. You are still my muse." Ethan said trying to kiss Justin again.

Before Justin knew it, he was making out in the park with Ethan. Ethan placed his violin on the ground and wrapped his arms around Justin's waist, pulling him close. Justin put his arms around Ethan's neck, holding their heads together. "Jesus, look at us. In the middle of a fucking park."

"Would you rather my place?" Ethan said with a sparkle in his eye as he stared at Justin. Justin wanted to refuse but he couldn't find the words to do so. Instead, he just nodded at Ethan who picked up his violin and stuck it in the money filled case. Then he grabbed hold of Justin's scarf and pulled him away to a building not far from the park. They started at it again as they took the elevator to the top. Suddenly images of Justin and Brian going at it on the way to Brian's loft flooded Justin's mind. He flushed them away and focused on what was happening; even if he really didn't know himself.

Before Justin had time to realize what was happening, he was on a bed with Ethan on top of him, making out. Ethan slid Justin's shirt off and then made his way to Justin's pants. In no time they were both naked and Justin was on his back, Ethan cramming his dick deeply inside Justin's anal cavity. Justin gripped the sheets as warm ecstasy flooded over him. Still, it was not as passionate as when he and Brian fucked. After a few hours, Justin got up and began re-dressing himself, telling Ethan he had to go.

"What? It's not like you have class." Ethan said getting up with a look of confusion on his face.

"I just have to go." Justin said before leaving. He held back tears as he ran down the stairs and out of the building. He headed for his loft but was taken back when he arrived. In front of his building was Lindsay, Gus, Melanie, and JR. The day was full of surprises.

"Linds! Mel! What are you guys doing here?" He asked hugging them.

"Well Gus hasn't stopped asking for Brian for some time now so we decided to take a trip to Pittsburgh for a week to visit everyone." Lindsay said returning his hug.

"But not before saying 'hello' to our favorite artist!" Melanie said hugging him after Lindsay.

"Well come on up. It's not much, but it's home." Justin said leading them to his place. When they got inside, Justin pushed all his paintings out of the way.

'Can I see some of your work?" Lindsay asked. Justin hesitated but let her look anyway because she was the reason he was in New York. Without her he wouldn't have had his show in Pittsburgh and wouldn't have been suggested for the big city.

"They're not finished…" Justin said.

Lindsay, Justin could tell, noticed they looked like Brian. "Why don't you call him?" She suggested.

"After what I did?" Justin said with hurt in his voice. He would be embarrassed to call Brian.

"He really loved you. I'm sure he wouldn't mind a call." Lindsay said walking back to Gus, Melanie, and JR. "Great to see you Justin, but we're on a time crunch. We'll stop again on our way back."

Justin hugged them goodbye and stared at his paintings. _Maybe I should call him…_Justin thought but brushed it out of his mind. He thought about what had just happened with him and Ethan. He had every right to be with someone, but it felt wrong. "Why didn't I marry you?" He asked one of the paintings that looked a lot like Brian as he punched his wall and let a few tears escape his eyes.


	3. FallDown Mess

"Brian! Brian!" Brian opened his eyes to see Cynthia standing right in front of hime. He lifted his head off his arms and yawned at her while blinking the traces of sleep from his eyes. "Are you ok? One minute I leave you in here, working on Rempson Pharmaceuticals, then next minute I come back to tell you something and you're passed out." Worry sat in her eyes as she looked at him. He hadn't seen her like this since his cancer crisis.

"I'm fine Cynthia. Just, haven't slept good lately." He said looking over the papers in front of him. Cynthia sighed, knowing she wouldn't get any more information out of him and walked to the door. She had it opened about forty degrees before she looked back at Brian.

"Maybe you should call him. Might make you feel better." "Who?" Brian asked with his superior attitude weaved in his voice.

"You know very well who. Everyone needs a little sunshine every now and again to keep themselves from going insane." Cynthia said with emphasis on 'sunshine' before she escaped out the door so Brian couldn't reply. With a heavy sigh, Brian reviewed the documents and made final corrections on campaigns then he went to his couch and laid down. He started to drift to sleep when he heard Ted's voice.

"Christ Brian are you..." his voice started to drift away. "It's just last time you looked this crappy and I found you on the couch"

"I'm fine, Theodore. I haven't slept good lately, that's all." He said with slight anger in his voice. He wished everyone would just leave him alone. "Now do you mind? I'm trying to sleep." Brian said closing his eyes again.

"At work? Isn't that what your expensive bed at your expensive lot is for? Or can you not get to sleep without Justin?" At this point, Ted was amusing himself.

"Will you fuck off already?" Brian said snapping at Ted. Ted turned around and left Brian alone before Brian took Ted's head off, literally. Brian drifted to sleep again. He saw Justin, smiling at him and laughing. Brian smiled back and reached out to hug him when suddenly a shadowy figure came out of nowhere and bashed Justin in the side of the head. Brian saw Justin's limp body fall to the ground, oozing sticky red blood all over the place. "NO!" He screamed and tried to get Justin up but was too late. The blood was pouring out and the warmth in Justin's body began to slip away. Then Brian heard sirens and suddenly he was at the hospital with Michael, calling his name because Brian's mind was in a different place.

Brian opened his eyes and saw Micahel in front of him. "Jesus Brian, are you ok? I came to see why you haven't talked to me in awhile and I find you on the couch, screaming, and sweating all over yourself ruining your Armadi suit." Michael tried to feel Brian's forehead but Brian shoved Michaels hand away and sat up.

"Stop it, Mike! I don't need you taking care of me." Brian rubbed his head and tried to erase the horrible dream from his mind.

"Well apparently you cant do it yourself. You're a fucking fall down mess. This is just like the time when..." Michael suddenly stopped himself.

"Like when?" Brian asked, though he already knew the answer.

"Like when Justin left you for Ethan." Michael said staring at the ground.

"Ha! I was fine then, and I'm fine now." Brian said standing up, stumbling a bit. Michael put his arm around Brian to keep him from falling over. Then he helped Brian to his desk. "I'm just resting up for Babylon tonight." Brian said leaning back in his chair, smiling at Michael.

"You should stay away from that place for awhile. The last thing you need is for Babylon to remind you." Michae was starting to get angry at Brian.

"Remind me of what?" Brian suddenly asked getting angry himself.

"You know goddamn well what. Of Justin"

"Christ! Why the fuck does everyone think I miss Justin? He didn't get what he wanted here so he went to where he could. What's so wrong with that?" He asked lashing at Michael.

"Well considering he left you at the alter, so to speak, and went to New York, everyone knows you're in pain not to mention a misserable ass mood. Now will you go see someone and forget about fucking Babylon for a few nights?" At this point, Michael was yelling at Brian.

"I'm not goint to see some fucking shrink or whatever the fuck you're suggesting because I am perfectly fine. Now get the fuck out of here Michael." Brian snapped right back at him.

"If you don't talk to someone soon, you're going to loose everything. Your mind, your company, your loft, your friends, everything." Michael stormed out and down the hall.

Brian grabbed his coat and headed to the other side of his office, preparing himself to go. Suddenly he heard Justin's voice. If I did anything to make you mad, I didn't mean to. Brian turned around but no one was there. He pushed his door open and headed for the exit. "Where are you going? You have a meeting in thirty minutes!" Cynthia asked rushing along behind him.

"Cancel the meeting. I'm leaving." Brian said without stopping or looking at her.

"Why is it when you have a problem you always seem to run away?" Cynthia said stopping and yelling at him.

Brian stopped and turned to her. "Fuck off right now Cynthia or you'll have no job." He turned back towards the door and Cynthia threw her arms by her side then went to cancel the meeting. Brian shoved the door open and headed for his jeep. The rain had stopped but the sun hadn't evaporated all the puddles and Brian's feet splashed through them.

He climbed into his jeep and drove off, leaving Kinnetic behind. Brian soared down the street and to his loft. He took the elevator up and went inside his loft where he threw his bag in the corner and chucked his tie on his bed. Afterwards, Brian grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat in a chair to watch television. Of course everything he found was something to do with art or creativity. Brian watched Martha Stewart for a few hours because it was the only thing that didn't remind him of Justin.  
Brian knew he had to do something. Call him, email him, something to ease his mind. But how could he have contact with someone he loved, who he thought loved him, who just walked out on him? Brian paced his loft thinking when someone started banging on the door. Brian didn't answer it but the pounding continued. Grunting loudly, he went to the door and opened it. Gus ran to Brian's legs and clutched them. "Daddy!" Brian lifted Gus up and ruffled his hair a bit then kissed his forehead. Lindsay followed Gus inside.

"All I've heard for weeks was how much he's missed you, so we decided to take a little trip and visit you. We tried the office but they said you left in a hurry. Everything alright?" Lindsay asked walking around the loft as though looking for something unusual. Brian put Gus down and went back to his chair.

"Where's the other muncher and her spawn?" He asked ignoring her question.

"Melanie and J.R are with Michael and Ben. Are you sure you're alright? Michael said you've been rude and distant lately." Lindsay always had a way of getting Brian to talk. Brian didn't get mad Lindsay often but he was now because he had had it with people pestering him. "You miss him dont you?" She said staring at him.

Rather than repeat the same information to her that he gave anyone else, he told her. "I've had horrible dreams lately. All I can think about and all I can hear is him." Brian said with a heavy sigh.

"Then maybe you should go see him, spend some time with him. He's got himself a decent place. We stopped by to see him for a few minutes on our way down. He mentioned you a few times. He's hurting too." she said with a smile.

Brian sighed and lifted Gus into his lap. "He's getting so big." Brian said tickling Gus. "I can't just show up at his door and say 'Hey, can't stop thinking about you even though you blew me off when I may have," he choked a bit, "loved you"

"Why not?" Lindsay said with slight laughter as she watched Brian and Gus together.

"Because he left me and I'm not going to chase him on my hands and knees asking him to come back." Brian looked at her with sincerity in his eyes.

"Fine. Be miserable for the rest of your life." She said leaning back a bit in her chair.

"If he misses me so much he'll come to me." Brian said back to her.

"Get over yourself already. You're 35 and not getting any younger. Make him wait for you much longer and you'll loose him. Permanently this time." Lindsay said with stern eyes.

"Did you miss the part where I said he left me?" Brian started to get angry with Lindsay, but he didn't want to scare Gus so he kept his cool.

"Big deal. Be the man and go get him back." Lindsay stood and walked over to Brian, lifting Gus off his lap. "We're going to be in town for a few days." She said turning and walking to the door. "Think about what I said"

"I'm thinking." Brian said with sarcasm as Gus waved goodbye and Lindsay left. Once he heard the elevator lower, Brian got on his computer and looked up ticket prices to New York. he would go to New York, whether or not he would visit Justin he hadn't decided yet but he had to get away. Away from the memories, away from the pain.


	4. Always My Prince

The sun shone brightly through Justin's curtain-less windows, illuminating his room. With a groan, Justin got up and made his way to his somewhat of a kitchen. He made some coffee and then decided to check his mailbox. _Maybe something will be in there from Brian_ he thought though he knew he was only joking himself. In raggy jeans and a t-shirt Justin made his way down the stairs and to the line of mailboxes where he stuck the key in his and turned, popping the small door open.

Inside was an un-addressed letter. Confused, Justin headed back upstairs to read it. Inside was a ticket to the orchestra and a note that read _I'd still serenade you each morning and serve you breakfast in bed._ At this point Justin knew it was from Ethan. He decided to find Ethan and tell him that it was over between the two and what had happened the previous day was a mistake. _I'll tell him off then head to Pittsburgh to visit everyone_ Justin told himself as he changed and bundled up before taking off.

"Please put your seatbelts on and lock your seats in their upright positions as we prepare to land." The steward announced over head. Brian latched his seatbelt around his waist and sat his chair up even though he was more comfortable leaning back. The steward was cheking Brian out but Brian just smiled and looked out the window. Normally Brian would have fucked the steward in the bathroom or on the ground as he did with any hott guy but he wasn't interested in that at the moment. _I can't believe I'm doing this_ he said to himself as the plane lowered and the bustling city became larger and larger.

When the plane came to a stop, Brian grabbed his bag and rushed off the plane. The airport was crammed with people and Brian stuck his sunglasses on then made his way to the closest exit. Outside, the streets were no better. Brian threw his bag over his shoulder and hailed himself a cab. "Any hotel near Central Park please." Brian said to the driver as the yellow-orange car started down the street. They were in traffic for what seemed like days before the car finally stopped and Brian paid him then got out.

The hotel was large and the door man let Brian inside where people were rushing every which way with suitcases and gabbing on their phones. The elevators and everything were gold accented and Brian made his way to the man behind the desk. "I would like a room. Just for one, and for two nights." He said handing the man a credit card. The man smiled, typed away on his computer, then handed Brian a key and told him where to find his room.

When Brian reached his room, he opened the door and found it was like a mini apartment. Brian threw his bag on the bed and looked out the window where he saw an amazing view of the park. _Well I should familliarize myself with the area._ Brian said to himself. _Central Park should be a good place to start._ Brian looked himself over in the mirror then headed out of his room and to central park. It was busy, but a little more peaceful than everywhere else.

Justin went through the park with a quickened pace to find Ethan and end it as quickly as possible. He headed for the large fountain that he found Ethan at last time. After spending a few minutes pushing his way through small crowds gathered around performers, he found Ethan standing and playing his violin as rapidly as ever. Justin took a deep breath and walked up to Ethan.

Ethan spotted him coming and lowered his violin with a smile. "Did you get my little gift?" He asked staring into Justin's eyes.

"Ethan, you need to know that what happened the other day, it was...it was a mistake. We're not meant to be together." He said trying not to hurt Ethan's feelings but make it short and to the point. Ethan just pulled Justin to him and kissed him on the lips. Justin closed his eyes for a minute because though his mind was fully against what was happening, Ethan's lips were still sweet and lucious. When Justin opened his eyes he quickly pulled himself from Ethan. "Fuck!" He said loudly staring at the ground with his eyes shut tightly.

"What?" Ethatn asked looking at Justin with confusion.

"Ever since I got to New York, I haven't stopped thinking about Brian. Now I'm seeing him." Justin said without looking up and rubbing his head.

Ethan turned around and then turned back to Jusin. "Damn, I'm seeing him too." When Ethan said that, Justin's heart sand and he felt sick. Looking up again, he still saw Brian. A look of hurt and regret was painted on his face. _Could it really be..._?

Justin pulled away from Ethans grip on his wrist and started to run towards Brian, who turned around and began walking away. "Brian! Brian, wait up!" Justin called racing after him. When he finally caught up to Brian he grabbed his arm, forcing Brian to turn and look at him. "I can't believe you're in New York." He said with a giant smile. "Did you miss me?" He asked with his usual charm.

Brian just ignored him and kept walking back to the hotel he checked himself into. "Brian, why won't you talk to me?" He asked starting to get angry with Brian.

"I shouldn't have come." Brian mumbled staring at the ground and continuing to walk.

Justin stopped where he was standing and called to Brian. "And why is that Mr. Kinney? Afraid to be seen showing your affection for another human being?" Justin was angry and didn't care that a few people started to watch them.

Brian stopped and turned to Justin, his eyes flooded with pain. "You don't seem to be too lonely out here. I came to cheer you up with a bit of company, see how you're doing, but you seem to have it all handled." Justin didn't realize what Brian was talking about but it suddenly came to him. Brian meant Ethan. Justin ran to Brian and stood in front of him. He stared into Brian's eyes and took his hand.

"Do you mean Ethan? It was mere chance running into him. I was saying hello when,"

"When you decided to suck face?" Brian shoved Justin aside and headed for his hotel.

"I didn't mean for that to happen, let alone you see it! I was trying to tell Ethan we would never be together when he suddenly grabbed me." Justin yelled at Brian. Brian stopped but didn't turn to face Justin. Jusitin went up to Brian who he could tell was holding back tears.

"You'll always be my prince." Brian whispered in Justin's ear then crossed the street and dissapeared into the hotel.


	5. Moving on

Brian laid on the bed of the hotel room, staring at the ceiling, and smoking a joint he kept hidden on the plane. After his smoke he was going to pack his bags and head back to fabulous Pittsburgh, leaving Justin behind for good this time. He seemed to be handling everything just fine on his own and there was no need for Brian to be there. Brian didn't know why he even came to New York. Before he left Pittsburgh he thought it was a bad idea but his heart longed to see Justin. _He certainly did become the best queer he possibly could_ Brian thought to himself as he let small clouds of smoke slip out of his mouth.

Once Brian packed, he left the hotel and headed for the airport. On the plane he cramed his bag into the overhead storage compartment. "Fucking thing!" he yelled trying to get it to fit. If he wasn't angered he would have been able to put it in properly instead of losing his temper and having the whole plane stare at him. Brian ignored them and sat down in his chair, buckling his seatbelt and cranking the seat back. He shut his eyes and tried to sleep, managing to drift off after about an hour.

When Brian was back in Pittsburgh he got off the plane to find Michael waiting for him. "What the fuck happened? Justin calle me, almost in tears. He said when he went to your hotel they said you checked out." Michael was angry with Brian and would let Brian pass until he had answers.

"Fuck off Mikey, ok? Go back to your husband and child and stay the fuck out of other people's buisness." Brian shoved Michael out of the way, just like he did Justin in Central Park, and Michael followed Brian through the airport yelling at him like Justin did in New York. "What don't you get about fuck off?" He asked stopping before the doors and turned to Michael.

"He loves you and no matter how much you may deny it, you love him too. You have had a rocky past but you've always managed to get over it." Michael spit at him.

"He doesn't need me, and I don't need him." Brian swung his bag over his shoulder and put his sunglasses on again. He shoved the door open and walked into the bright sunglight, then went to the reserved parking area to fetch his jeep. Michael gave up and went back to the cab he had taken there, but Brian knew he hadn't heard the end of it. He started his jeep and soared out of the airport to head back to his loft that he dreaded because in the pit of his stomach, he knew someone would be there waiting for him.

He was right. When Brian got back to his loft he found Lindsay there. She was pacing outside his door waiting for him, steam almost puffing from her ears because she was very angry. "How dare you!" She yelled at hime when she saw him. "I told you to go visit him, not put him in tears!" She was very close to smacking hime but luckily the elevator door was still in her way.

Brian lifted the door and went to his loft door and opened it. He ignored Lindsay's comments and threw his bag on the floor and went to lay on his bed. She followed him, storming and yelling. "When will you learn he loves you, miss you, and only wants to be with you?"

"He doesn't seem to miss me much." Brian said. Lindsay was the one person he really didn't get mad at often. She was like family to him. A lot more than the blood relatives he was regretfully given.

"And what does that mean?" she said staring at him with piercing eyes as he laid on his bed with his head burried in thesheets.

"I go to surprise him, you're idea," he said raising an arm to her, " and all I found was sucking face wtih Ean or whatever the fuck the fiddlers name is." he was tryinig to get to sleep but he knew he would be unsuccessful for awhile.

"Ethan? Justin was with Ethan?" Lindsays voice softened quite a bit and the tension inside Brian began to die down.

"Sucking face in the middle of Central Park." Brian said fighting off sleep. He hadn't gotten much sleep on the plane let alone much sleep in the past few days.

"I'm sure it was a mistake...if you only talk to him about it..."Lindsay said sitting down on the bed next to Brian. She rubbed his back with her hand and took a deep breath in, calming herself.

"There's nothing to talk about. He's moved on and I will too." Brian turned his head towards the wall and shut his eyes to try to fall asleep.

"Swallow your fucking pride already Brian. You love him as much, if not more, as he loves you. I figured you would have realized that by now. Call him and talk to him about it." She said smacking his back but not real hard because no matter how mad she was, she was still careful not to hurt anyone.

"Fuck off already Lindsay! Christ! I'm so fucking tired of everyone trying to take care of me! I can do it myself. I have all my life." Brian said and got up, storming to the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.

"Fine. When you die of a broken heart, don't expect anyone to come to your funeral." She yelled at him then left slamming the door to his loft behind her. Brian leaned against the wall of the bathroom and slid down the wall until he was sitting on the cold tiles. With his knees in front of him, he crossed his arms and stared into the shower, tears slowly sliding down his cheeks and splashing to the ground. He shut his eyes and sang quitely.

"Oh baby don't you know I love you so?" His voice was cracked and he was on the verge of completely crying. "Can't you feel it when we touch. I will never never let you go." Brian pictured Justin inside his mind; his warm smile, gentle eyes, and signature blond hair. "I love you _oh so much_."


	6. Trying to fix it

After Justin ran into Brian, he went to his loft to sort out his thoughts. Jusitn couldn't stop replaying what Brian had said to him through his mind. _You'll always be my prince._ When Justin saw the pain in Brian's eyes and heard it in his voice, Justin just wanted to go hold Brian tightly in his arms and take all the pain away.

After about an hour of so of beating himself up, Justin decided to go to the hotel he saw Brian go into and try fixing things with Brian. Quickly, Justin left his loft and hurried to the hotel. Justin pushed the doors open and headed for the information desk where about three people werebusy answering phones. He walked up to one who looked up and smiled. "May I help you?"

"Could you please tell me what room a Brian Kinney is in?" Justin said slightly out of breath. The worker typed the name into the computer and a minute later looked up at Justin, his smile died a bit.

"Sorry sir, but Mr. Kinney checked out this morning." The worker went back to what he was doing.

_Fuck!_ Justin knew that Brian must of gone back to Pittsburgh after he saw Justin and Ethan. _Christ Justin, what did you do to him this time?_ Justin headed back to his loft and packed some clothes. He knew the only way to work this out with Brian would be face to face. He had to go to Pittsburgh. The first flight out, Justin got a ticket and prepared himself for the rough road that lye ahead. Before getting onto the plane, he called Michael and told him what had happened but didn't tell him he planned on going to the Pitts. Ever since _Rage_, Michael had become one of Justin's good friends.

"Holy shit! Sunshine!" Debbie dropped the book she was taking someone's order in and ran to Justin, squeezing him so hard he felt like his ribs were going to collapse. "Christ! Haven't you been eathing anything out there in the big city?" She asked examining him. He ws slightly thinner than when he left, but not much. It was always Debbie though to let one know they needed to eat. "Sit down. I'm going to get you the pink plate special!" She said shoving him into a seat with a smile and rushing off.

Before he had any time to realize what happened, Emmett and Ted walked through the door. As soon as Emmett noticed Justin, he started jumping and ran to Justin, squeezing him just like Debbie had done. "Hey baby! I haven's seen you for months!" He said, almost crying tears of joy.

"Hey...Emmett." Justin said with the little air he had left in him. Ted walked over, laughing a bit.

"Em, let him breathe." He said pulling Emmett off Justin.

"Hey Ted, and thanks." Justin said to Ted as he and Emmett sat across from Justin. "Have either of you seen,"

"Brian?" Ted asked knowing what was coming out of Justin's mouth. "No, not since a day or two ago when he barged out of Kinnetic. Michael and Lindsay are furious with him though." Ted said wrapping his arm around Emmett.

"Ever since you left, no one has seen much of him. Except he's always at work and he'll occassionally be at Babylon, Woody's, or here at the diner. Other than that we assume he's fucking someone or alone in his loft." Emmett said said stealing some bacon off the plate Debbie brought for Justin. He really didn't feel like eating, especially after what Emmett had told him.

Justin stood up and started for the door. "Sunshine! Where are you going? You haven't even touched your food." Debbie called to him.

"I have to find Brian." He said pushing the door open and heading down the street.

"Christ, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that one." Debbie h as she went back to work. Justin headed for Brian's loft, hoping he would find Brian there. When he arrived, Lindsay was leaving

"We've got to stop meeting like this." Justin said to her. She jumped a bit becasue she wasn't paying attention. "Is Brian home?" He asked her.

"He locked himself in his bathroom earlier. I've tried throughout the day to get him out but he's being his usual stubborn asswhole self." She told him, anger pulsing through her eyes. "What happened between you and Ethan?"

Justin took a deep breath in. "I ran into Ethan the day you guys stopped by. I was at his place before I came home to find you guys there. The next day I went to find Ethan to tell him we couldn't be together because all I could think about was Brian. Ethan misunderstood and kissed me again. Unfortunately, that's when Brian showed up and I couldn't get him to listen to me for five minutes so I could explain it to him." Justin said replaying that dreadful arguement through his head again. _You'll always be my prince._

Lindsay just hugged him. "You can go try. If you need help, just call me. I'll set the bastard striaght." She said before she climbed into her car and drove off. Justin ran up the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator, and went to Brian's door. Justin started beating on it.

"Brian! Brian! I know you're in there so open the fucking door!" Justin beat on the door as hard as he could. "I'll stand out here forever if I have to." Still he got no answer. After minutes of beating on the door, Justin called Michael.

Michael showed up about ten minutes later and used his key to get inside the loft. "Need any help?" He asked Justin before leaving.

"No, I have to do this by myself." Justin walked around the loft and saw the bathroom door was still shut. He walked up to the door and was about to bang on it when he heard Brian's voice. _Don't forget who's taking you home, and in who's arms you're gonna be, so darling, save the last dance for me._ "Brian?" Justin called softly.


	7. The accident

As Brian was sitting on his cold bathroom floor, quietly singing to himself and crying, he listened to Lindsay beat on his door because after she left the first time, he locked the door then went back to the bathroom where he felt secluded and alone. A few minutes after Lindsay left again, he heard more pounding on the door. He just continued singing to drown out the knocking, but then he heard it. The heavenly sound. _His voice._ Justin was at his door. Brian wanted to answer it, but that would show how weak Brian was, and he couldn't let people think he was weak.

Justin started yelling louder and then died. Brian wanted to believe Justin left but knew it wasn't true because Justin didn't give up easily. He was after, his _lover._ Brian cringed at the word because he loved Justin and was under the impression for awhile that Justin loved him back. He even bought him a fucking house that he planned to live in once they were, even though it was basically Brian selling his soul, married. But Justin turned Brian down last minute, crushing Brian's thoguhts of ever trying to love someone again. _I should have known better. That's why I told myself love wasn't real. Fucking is real._ Suddenly Justin was at the bathroom door. Michael must have let him in. Brian threw his head violently backwards forgetting the wall behind him. He felt imense pain and blacked out.

When Brian woke up he was on his bed. Justin was in the kitchen fixing God knows what. Brian had a pack of ice on his pillow underneath his head. He felt the spot where he hit his head. It wasn't bleeding but there was a large knot and it hurt really bad. It was dark outside and Brian had no idea what time it was. He tried to sit up but he became very dizzy and laid his head back down and watched Justin rummage through his kitchen. _He's still gorgeous..._ Brian thought as he watched him. When he finished, Justin turned the lights out and headed for the couch where Brian assumed he set up a bed. Brian figured Justin would have laid with him, whether or not Brian was concious. Unable to focus, Brian shut his eyes and after awhile fell asleep, focusing on the gentle rhythms of Justin's loud breathing.

The sounds of horns woke Brian up. Outside, Pittsburgh was wide awake. Brian sat up, blinking the sleep out of his eyes, and held the back of his head which was still throbbing with pain. He looked around his loft for Justin, but didnt see him anywhere. Carefully, Brian stood up and wobbled a bit before he was able to maintain most of his balance. He walked around his loft, still holding the back of his head, to make sure Justin was actually gone. The blanket Justin used was folded up and rested on the edge of the couch along with the pillow he used. Brian lifted the pillow and blanket to put them away but stood with them in his arms instead. _They still smell like him..._Suddenly the night Brian fucked Justin before he left for New York whirled around in Brian's mind and how after they laid in each others arms, Brian taking in Justin's sweaty aeroma one last time. Brian's heart broke that night.

Brian sat down on the couch then eventually fell over, his head resting on the pillow. He laid like that, staring at the window, for hours. Finally Brian got himself up and decided to call Michael. "Mikey, could you come over if your husband wont miss you too much?" Brian said when Michael answered then hung up before he could reply. About twenty minutes later Michael showed up and Brian let him in.

"What do you want?" Michael asked walking into the middle of the loft, anger still in his voice from their arguement the previous day.

"I can't do it." Brian mumbled heading for the bedroom, expecting Brian to follow him. Michael did follow him, a look of confusion on his face.

"Do what?" Michael asked sitting next to Brian who flopped onto the bed with an emotionless expression upon his face, but Michael noticed the pain in Brian's eyes.

"I can't keep acting like I don't miss him, when I do." Brian said, half speaking into his pillow while a tear escaped his eye and was quickly absorbed by the fabric. "It hurts too much; physically and emotionally." Brian said turning his head so Michael could see the bump on his head.

"Christ Brian, what the hell did you do?" Michael said as he reached out and felt how bad his wound was.

"I couldn't stop thinking about him, and I slammed my head into the wall. It was unintentional to hit my head but the point is I miss him. I want him back." Brian said, not looking into Michael's eyes because he already sounded like a dyke, he didn't want to look like one too.

"What the fuck are you telling me for?" Michael asked, his voice getting stern. "You should be telling Justin this." Michael stood up and treid to pull Brian up. "Get your ass up, get dressed, and fucking find him. Tell him you miss him and work it all out with him." Brian was taken back by this. Michael was starting to sound like Debbie. He knew it was only a matter of time but still, he didn't think it would be this fast.

With a groan, Brian stood up and Michael half dragged him to the bathroom. Michael started the water, pulled Brian's clothes off, and shoved him into the shower. "I hope you can do the rest on your own." He called to Brian who chuckled a bit that Michael didn't just climb in the shower with him since he knew Michael had always wanted Brian to fuck him. Brian wanted to protest Michael doing everything but he was too exhausted to argue so he washed himself then climbed out and put some clothes on. "Now come on! I'm sure he's still in Pittsburgh because unlike you he doesn't run from his problems. He's probably at the diner." Michael said pushing Brian out of his loft and into the elevator. He sat Brian in the passanger side of the jeep and climbed into the drivers seat, starting the car to a roar.

It reminded Brian of all the nights Brian would get wasted and Michael would have to drive him home. As Michael was driving, Brian began to feel the pain in his head again. "You sure you're ok Brian? You should see a doctor." Michael said noticing Brian grab his head.

"It's just smarting a bit." Brian said with a sigh of pain and leaned his head against the chilled window. Brian put his sunglasses on even though the sun was hidden behind clouds becuase he didn't want Michael to see the pain in his eyes and worry. When they arrived at the diner, Brian told Michael that he would stay in the jeep and if Justin was inside to send him out. Michael tried to argue but Brian just yelled "Now, Mikey!" and Michael went inside against his will.

Brian stared at the door, waiting for his blond angel to walk out and run to him, telling him everything would be ok.

Justin sat inside the diner catching up with Ted and Emmett. Debbie stopped occassionally to talk to them but she was busy with her rounds. "Dont forget Sunshine, party at m house tonight before the girls go off. You're blond butt better be there." She said with a laugh then went back to smacking her gum and pouring coffee.

"Well you should have known better, baby. He doesn't take anything lightly." Emmett said with his head resting on Ted's shoulder after Justin told them about everything that had happened over the past few days. "I'm surprised he went this long without damage."

"He's been working constantly. I've tried to get him to go home many times but he either yells at me or ignores me. I've found him sleeping in his office a few times too." Ted said playing with his fork. He took a bite of his tuna sandwhich and made a slight laughing noise. Brian's demise always made Ted happy; so long as it meant Brian wasn't seriously injured. It was then that Michael walked through the door.

"Hey honey!" Debbie called to Michael when he walked in, waving to him.

"Hey ma!" He called back to her with a smile. Michael walked to the table where everyone was sitting and said his hello's then turned to Justin. "Brian's out in his jeep. He wants to talk to you. Said that you need to go outside to him. He's still in pain over whatever happened to his head so go easy on him if you can." Michael said as Justin got up and Michael took his seat. Justin sighed and then wrapped his scarf around his neck and headed outside. He didn't want to give into Brian but he was desperate to fix what had happened.

When Justin walked outside he saw the sleek black jeep parked across the road. Justin crossed the street to it and opened the door. Brian was sitting in the drivers seat. "Get in." He said with a slight smile. Justin sighed then climbed in and shut the door.

"Brian, I want to explain to you what you saw in New York."

"I don't care what happened." Brian said cutting Justin off.

"Chrsit Brian. You're so fucking arrogant and," Justin started looking out the window with anger in his voice. Brian never cared about anyone but himself. But before Justin could finish his sentence, Brian cut him off again.

"Do you love him?" brian asked putting both hands on the wheel, getting ready to take off.

"What?" Justin asked taken back because he didn't expect to hear that come out of Brian's mouth. There was slight sencerity in his voice as he spoke and Justin knew Brian wasn't mad, but hurt.

"Do you love Ean?" Brian asked again.

"It's _Ethan._ And no, I don't. I was trying to tell," Justin started but again Brian cut him off.

"Then I don't care what happened." Brian started the car and began to drive. "I care about you." He said with a smile as he brushed the side of Justin's face with his hand. "You're all I can think about. I can't eat, sleep, do anything without thinking of you." Justin felt his heart melt. Brian did care about him. For five or so years he had been trying to get Brian to admitt truely that he care and he finally did. "Sunshine, I love," suddenly Brian's head bobbed back and forth before hitting the steering wheel.

"Brian? Brian!" Justin screamed horrified. The last thing Justin heard was screeching and felt tremendous force hitting the jeep. He heard car alarms, people screaming, and blacked out.


	8. The Hospital

Justin woke up, starring at a white ceiling. He could hear rhythmic beeping noises and distant voices. Blinking his eyes, Justin tried to move but he was unsuccessful. All Justin could move was his head. He turned his head side to side, confused greatly, before he finally realized he was in a hospital. Then he remembered. Brian suddenly passed out and they were in a car crash. Justin turned his head to the side again and saw Debbie and his mother sitting there. Debbie saw him looking at her so she instantly jumped up and ran to him. "Sunshine! Thank God you're ok!" She said, crying and stroking his hair back before kissing his forehead.

Jennifer dropped her coat and stopped pacing to go to her son's side when she heard Debbie talking to him. "Justin!" She said, also crying and kissing him. Justin started to speak but couldn't get anything to come out. Jennifer began crying harder. "Twenty-four and I've almost lost you several times already." She said clutching his hand and staring into his eyes.

Finally Justin located his ability to speak. "What...Brian." was the only two words that came out and could be understood. Jennifer looked at Debbie who took a deep breath in and went to Justin's other side to take his other hand. She pulled up a chair before speaking.

"Sunshine; Christ what to say." As soon as she said that, Justin felt like he was going to be sick. "He's in a coma." she said. Slight relief flooded Justin knowing Brian wasn't dead. "They don't think he's going to make it." The relief went away instantly. Justin felt warm tears slide down his cheeks.

"No more, Debbie. Let him rest." Jennifer said seeing the pain in her son's eyes. "Sweetie, rest for now. Debbie will tell you more tomorrow." she said kissing Justin's head and again then Debbie and Jennifer went outside Justin's room to talk. _Please, God, don't let him die!_ Justin said. He closed his eyes to try to sleep but he couldn't when he heard the women talking.

"At least he's awake." Debbie said in a hushed voice.

"I almost lost him again." Jennifer said in a raised voice and Debbie hushed her. "I tried to deal with Brian. I thought he might even be good for him, but this is the second time he's almost kill my son."

"Brian has a lot of issues, I'll be the first to say so. But he loves sun-, Justin. He would never intentionally hurt Justin. What happened was an accident because he stupidly made some bad choices." Debbie said trying to calm Jennifer down.

"So Justin keeps getting hurt because Brian can't take care of himself? Is Justin just supposed to clean up after Brian and take care of him? We're were lucky this time, but what if something happens later on and we're not lucky?" Jennifer was still crying.

"Jennifer, I know its hard. Not too long ago I almost lost my son. But Justin is growing up; he needs to make his own decisions. I'm sure he'll be able to keep himself safe. This time, no one knew that Brian had given himself brain damage when he hit that wall." Debbie said staying calm.

"I've got to get my daughter." Jennifer said and left. Debbie sighed and walked back into Justin's room. Justin had his eyes shut but he wasn't asleep. He couldn't sleep after what he heard. His mother was right though. This was the second time that Brian almost killed him. Maybe he shouldn't be with Brian. They do, after all, say that if you love something you should set it free.

Debbie sat in the chair again next to Justin. He opened his eyes a bit and looked at her. She was staring out the window and didn't notice him. He shut his eyes again to try to sleep when he heard her talk. Her voice was soft, quiet, and full of love.

"God, please take care of Sunshine. He could really use it. He's already lost so much. His asshole father, his education, his career, please don't take Brian or his mother away from him. He needs them to survive." Debbie sighed lightly and took Justin's hand. "You'll always have a place in my heart and in my family Sunshine. Don't ever forget that. As far as your mother goes, she's just scared right now. She doesn't want to lose you. You're her pride and joy, just like Michael is to me. She'll come around." Justin didn't know if Debbie knew he was awake or not but her words made Justin feel a lot better.

He didn't know what he felt. The drugs pumping into him to keep the physical pain away were interfering with his emotions. Justin didn't feel pain but it felt like he should. Debbie kissed Justin's 

forehead but never let go of his hand. She began to speak again. "Brian loves you. He'll always love you. The choice is yours though to stay with him or leave him. Your mother needs to know that and you need to know that you're the only one who can choose. Don't let anyone make the decision for you. He has his problems, but he's a good guy. And you're the only one he's truly happy around. The shine in his eyes when you're next to him; I thought it wasn't possible." She laughed slightly as though she was remembering the past. "I thought Brian's heart would freeze permanently, but somehow you managed to thaw it. If you leave him, I don't think his heart will freeze but I think he might lose the ability to love. I know you love him, but make sure you do what you think is right." At this point, he was sure she knew he was awake still.

Debbie let go of Justin's hand and walked out of the room. Before she left, Justin called to her. "Debbie?" A minute later Debbie turned around and walked back to him.

"Yes, Sunshine?" She was smiling.

"Thank you." He said trying to smile but was unsure if he was. "For everything you've ever done for me. I'd be lost if it weren't for you."

"It's what family does." She said wiping a few tears from her eyes.

"Please don't leave." He asked her. She nodded and sat down next to him, taking his hand again. "I don't want to lose you too." He said quietly.

"I'm not going anywhere." She said confidently with a smile.

"I don't want to lose him either." Justin said, feeling tears run down his face.

"Ignore the fucking doctors. It's all up to the big man. Let him know." She said. Justin closed his eyes. _Please, please, don't take Brian from me._ Justin prayed before he blacked out, asleep.


	9. Ephiany

Brian opened his eyes and blinked a few times. All he remembered was talking to Justin and suddenly blacking out. Brian got up and looked around. He looked down and saw his body lying on a bed, beaten and bruised. Michael was sitting by him, holding his hand and crying. _What the fuck is going on?_ Brian thought. "Michael! Michael!" Brian yelled. Behind Michael stood Ted holding Emmett who was crying furiously. Ben walked in front of them and yelled. "Ted! Emmett!" No one responded to him. Ben and Hunter entered the room and Ben hugged Michael tightly, taking him away from Brian's body. Michael buried his head in Ben's shoulder and Hunter rubbed Michaels back. "Someone tell me what the fuck is going on!" Brian screamed angrily.

"They can't hear or see you." A voice suddenly came from behind Brian. Brian turned around and his heart fell into his stomach.

"Fuck! You again?" Brian said suddenly closing his eyes. "I'm asleep. I'll just wake up and be out of this awful nightmare." He said.

"Won't work." Vic said with slight amusement in his voice. "You're not sleeping." He laughed and his hawaiian shirt bounced along with his chest.

"If I'm not sleeping then I must be," Brian stopped himself. "I'm not," he asked hesitantly.

"Dead? No, not yet. You're just in a very deep, doctors say irreversible coma."Vic said staring at the body on the bed. "I'm so glad Michael and Ben got married. And Debbie with Horvath. After spending years taking care of me its nice to see someone take care of her." Vic was walking around the room. "Glad to see Emmett's flame burning bright as always too. And Ted's makeover suits him well." He got close to everyone, carefully examining them.

"Stop changing the subject. Why am I out of my body?" Brian asked, slightly outraged.

"Limbo." Vic replied without looking at him.

"What the fuck is Limbo?" Brian asked.

"Limbo is the place between life and death. Souls in Limbo haven't achieved their life purpose or goals yet, so they can't move to Heaven, or in your case, Hell." Vic told Brian with amusement in his eyes after his little joke.

"What are you doing here then? I know for sure you're dead." Brian said, unamused with Vic.

"I'm here to help you figure out your purpose so you don't have to die. However, since the doctors don't think you're going to make it out, they're probably going to pull the plug soon and if you don't end up back in your body before then, you'll spend an eternity in Limbo." Vic walked over to Brian's side.

"So what do I do to get back into my body?" Brian asked Vic, angrily.

"Sudden realization that will change your life. After this realization, you will re-enter your body, wake up, and you're supposed to use that knowledge to change your life. It's pretty much the Big Man giving you a second chance." Vic told him sticking his hands in his pockets. "So don't fuck it up."

"How am I supposed to come to this sudden realization?"

"That you have to figure out yourself. I provide mild guidance. Oh, and I can transport you to specific places during specific times. Neat, isn't it?" Vic seemed to be quite happy with his power. Brian, however, wasn't too happy with him.

"This seems to an awful like the stupid Christian program my wretched parents make me sit through when I was little."

"Maybe it is. Now, we should get started because if they pull the plug, you're screwed, and not in your favorite way." With a smile, Vic left the room, leaving everyone sobbing over Brian, and headed down the hall.

"Where are we going?" Brian asked following Vic, determined to get answers.

"Just follow me." Vic walked through various halls then went into a room. On the way to the room he passed Debbie. Brian wanted to stop and ask how Justin was but he remembered he couldn't contact anyone. Brian walked into the room that Vic disappeared in and saw him standing in front of a 

bed with a blue curtain pulled around it. He heard the familiar beeping noises he had in his room and he walked to the window to join Vic.

Justin was laying on the bed, all bruised up but not quite as bad as Brian. He had tubes and iv's coming out of him everywhere. Brian's heart started rapidly beating and he ran to Justin's side. "Oh no..." Brian stroked Justin's hair. He could still hear him breathing. "How the fuck..." Brain began, staring at Justin's cut up face.

"Don't you remember? You were driving him back to your place and you blacked out and got into a very nasty car crash. You ended up in a coma and he ended up an eye sore." Vic said seriously for once. Brian stared at Vic with piercing eyes over his comment about Justin's looks. "You did quite an amount of damage to your head when you hit that bathroom wall. Cracked your skull and got a nice amount of blood trapped in your brain. That's what caused your blackout. Luckily, doctors were able to drain the blood but you're not out of the forest yet."

"Is he going to be ok?" Brian asked, very worried about the blond laying in front of him.

"He'll be fine. Just sleeping now. It's not going to be easy for him when he gets out though. His life is going to be flipped around and he's going to suffer a good amount over time." Vic shook his head as he spoke. "Not to mention the years you took off his life..."

"Shut up!" Brian yelled at Vic. The word _years _made Brian want to make everything a bad dream and for him to wake up cozy in his loft. "I can't lose you again." He said to Justin as he stroked his head. "I love you." Brian whispered into his ear. "I'll do anything if it means keeping you."

"Bingo!" Vic said with a smile. "Thought it would take longer than this but hey, now I can get back to my programs in the Heavenly bliss." Vic laughed. "Come on." Vic pulled Brian off Justin and led him back to his room where only Debbie sat by his body now. Everyone else was in the hall, holding each other as the doctor told them it would probably be any minute that he would die.

"Son of a bitch." Brian yelled at the doctor. "You think you know everything just because you went through a shit load of school." Vic was watching Debbie when Brian went inside the room.

"How I wish I could hug her. Please Brian, let her know I miss her but I'm perfectly fine where I am. If you could, hug her." Vic said when suddenly Brian blacked out again.

Brian heard Debbie's voice in his ear. "You better pull through this you little fucker. You can't leave Sunshine and Michael like this; especially not Sunshine. He loves you and everyone, including you, knows you love him. We already lost Vic." She said and he felt her gripping his hand tightly.

Suddenly Brian heard Lindsay's voice. "Debbie?"

"Linds, sweetie." Debbie let go of Brian's hand.

"Is he,...?" Lindsay asked, her voice low and full of pain.

"No, not yet." Debbie said, sniffling a bit. Brian heard little slaps against the floor which he realized where footsteps.

"Gus! Gus, get back here!" Lindsay suddenly called. Brian felt the end of his bed bounce a bit and Gus climbed up to Brian's face.

"Daddy!" Gus cried as he thrust his body in what Brian assumed was a hug. Gus's little hands gripped Brian tightly.

"Gus, baby, come back here." Lindsay said trying to life Gus off of Brian but Gus wouldn't budge.

"Don't leave me daddy!"He said crying.

Brian opened his eyes and very slightly lifted his arm over Gus. "Your old man aint going anywhere, Sonny Boy." He choked out in a very hoarse voice.

"Oh my God! Brian!" Lindsay gasped, clasping her hands over her mouth. She bent down and hugged Brian. Debbie ran out and suddenly returned with everyone else. They all crowded around Brian. Michael was on the other of Brian, hugging him and sniffling away.

"Christ Michael. Get a hold of yourself." Brian said.

"Don't you ever fucking scare me like that again!" He whispered into Brian's ear. "I knew I should have brought you here instead of to the diner and Justin." He said beginning to cry.

"Shut up already. I'm fine."Brian said with slight amusement in his voice. He coughed a little. The doctor came in and made a way to the cluster of machines Brian was hooked up to.

"Why in all my years," he said looking over screens of the machines. "A man on the verge of death, defies every medical consequence. You should not be alive..." He said as though he was talking to himself.

"Thank you, doctor." Brian said with sarcasm.

"What? Oh, sorry." He said turning to Brian. "Mr. Kinney, how do you feel?"

"Exhausted." Brian replied.

"Yes well, you had a good amount of blood trapped in your skull. On top of that a lot of internal bleeding from the accident. Few broken bones and everything." He said adjusting his glasses and looked over his charts. "You're going to be here for awhile." He said flipping the pages. "Everyone, say your good-byes. Mr. Kinney needs his rest." Everyone said good-bye to Brian but before the doctor left, Brian stopped him.

"Could you tell me how a Justin Taylor is?" Brian choked out.

"Ah yes the young lad in the car with you." The doctor flipped through more charts. "He had a good amount of internal bleeding as well. He'll be here a few days. You completely destroyed your jeep too. It's a wonder you both made it out alive. Not many people survive a car crash with a sixteen wheeler. Someone likes you." The doctor smiled and left, pulling the door behind him.


	10. Progress

Justin woke to the sound of squeaky wheels in the hallway. His machines were still beeping in steady patterns. He had a dream that Brian was by his bed, telling him how much he loved him. Justin knew it was only a dream though because Brian would never do anything like that; no matter how much Justin wished he would. The sun was barely peeking through the curtains on the hospital windows so Justin knew it was still pretty early.

He had been in the hospital for about 4 days. Each day he felt better than the last. He couldn't wait until they said he was well enough to go visit Brian. Brian would be stuck inside the hospital a lot longer than Justin would be because Justin's injuries weren't as severe. Like when he got bashed and had to recover, Justin found that he was having more problems with his hand. _I'm beginning to think it would just be easier to have it removed._ He told himself one time while struggling to control its movements. His head was still bandaged and he had stitches in his side from where glass had punctured him yet he told himself Brian was still worse. Justin had been told that Brian had severe head damage and had a few broken bones not to mention internal damage.

"Good morning Mr. Taylor." The doctor in reviewing charts as usual. "How do you feel today? Can you stand?"

"I'm fine and I'm not sure, let me try." Justin uncovered himself, revealing bruises and various cuts all over himself, but nothing he couldn't handle. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, sighing a bit from the pain in his side, and started to push himself off his bed.

"Careful Mr. Taylor, you don't want to rip your stitches." The doctor said trying to help Justin up but Justin refused the help. Justin pulled himself up and stood. "Try walking." the doctor suggested. Justin walked a bit around his room, slowly and occasionally paused to hold onto something. "How does it feel?"

"I'm a little stiff and my side hurts a bit, but otherwise everything is fine." Justin replied, sitting and holding his side.

"Well I don't expect that to feel good for awhile. You did a good amount of damage to it. But if you feel good then I see no reason to keep you longer. Just be very careful of your side. No over excursion. Once you're dressed, just stop by the front desk and check out. I want you back in a week to see me." The doctor smiled and left the room. _Finally._ Justin put the clothes that his mother brought him the second day he was in the hospital on and walked out of the room. He didn't care about the flowers and crap everyone brought him. He called Michael to get him because it was easiest for Michael to leave work.

When Justin was ready, he walked to the nurse's station and checked himself out. "Would you like someone to escort outside, incase of an accident?" The nurse asked.

"No thanks. I'm going to visit someone that's in the hospital." He said signing his name and smiling before turning around heading down the hall where he was told Brian had been moved to. Justin opened the door quietly and shut it gently behind him. Brian was asleep so Justin sat down next to him and kissed him until Brian opened his eyes.

"What are you doing out of bed, Sunshine?" Brian asked smiling.

"I'm allowed to go home." He said with a taunting smile and began kissing Brian again, this time on his lips.

"What have you been eating? You're lips are sweet." Brian asked in an amusing voice when Justin pulled up for air. He lifted his arms and wrapped them around Justin's head, keeping their lips locked together when Justin kissed him again. Justin climbed onto Brian's bed and Brian winced with pain. Justin quickly got off the bed.

"Oh my God Brian, are you okay?"

"Yeah, too much movement hurts. But as long as I have the ability to suck, fuck, rim, and ram, I'm good." He said pulling Justin close to him.

"Christ! I should have known." Michael said walking in on them.

"Hey Mikey, how've you been?" Brian said once Justin embarrassingly got off of Brian. "Sunshine here was just saying good-bye to me." He said with a smile to Justin. "He's going home while I have to suffer here. Its' all good though because I was informed that when I'm released, I have to stay in bed for awhile so by staying here a bit longer, I can rest and get all the proper rest and strength to pass my bill of health and be released." He said with amusement in his voice.

"And you'll have plenty of _sunshine_ to keep you happy." Justin replied as he began to leave with Michael. "The weather should be bright and pleasant for the next few weeks." Justin said laughing as he followed Michael, who was rolling his eyes, out of Brian's room and away from the hospital.

"I'm not surprised." Michael said as they walked down the halls. "I'm glad you two worked it all out though." Michael said smiling as they walked to the exit. "So, how are you feeling?" He asked as they headed for Ted's car which Michael had borrowed.

"My side hurts like a bitch." Justin said with a slight smile. "I hope Brian stays here a bit longer because I was ordered not to overdo it and I know Brian will have plenty for me to do when he gets back to his loft." Justin laughed as they got into the car and drove off.

Michael drove them to the diner because Justin had nowhere else to go. He dropped Justin off and made sure he got inside before driving off and back to the comic book store. Justin's walking was slightly impaired and he often had to hold onto something. "Sunshine!" Debbie cried out as she ran to him. Justin put his arm out to stop her from slamming into him.

"I have to be careful of my stitches Debbie." He said with a smile.

"Right." She said returning the smile and gently hugging him. "Can I get you anything? you know the food here is better than the shit they serve at the hospital." She said with amusement in her voice and a slight laugh.

"Coffee would be good please." He said sitting down in one of the booths. "I need to find somewhere to stay." He said as he slid down the seat to lean against the window.

"You're staying with me, Carl, and Emmett." Debbie sternly said.

"You have a full house Debbie. I have to find a hotel or something until Brian can leave the hospital. He told me I could stay in the loft, but..."Justin's voice trailed off before he could finish his sentence. It would be too painful to stay in the loft without Brian.

"You're staying with us and that's final. We'll find room." She said smiling at him then hugging him again. A few moments later Emmett walked in the door.

"How you feeling baby?" He asked with enthusiasm as he joined Justin.

"Little pain in my side." He said with a sigh. "I'm more worried about Bri." Debbie brought over Justin's coffee.

"When aren't you sunshine?" Debbie said with a slight chuckle as she put the coffee on the table. Justin sipped the coffee as Debbie and Emmett talked but Justin was fading in and out. "Em, Sunshine is staying with us." she called from behind the counter when she had to pick up an order.

"We'll fix the couch up." He said looking at Justin with a smile. Emmett had to have a bed or he would be up all night. Well, he's usually up all night but Justin knew that Emmett wouldn't be able to go a few nights without his bed. He smiled and finished the coffee.

"I'll see you tonight. I'm going to visit my mom." Justin called to Debbie. Carl walked in and kissed Debbie.

"Carl, sweetie, could you give Sunshine a ride to his mom's?" Debbie asked. Carl nodded and the two left.

"Thanks." Justin said as they climbed into the car.

"Anything for Debbie, " He said with a smile, "and her lost boys." The ride was rather quiet but they soon arrived at Jennifers.

"Thanks again." Carl nodded and drove off as Justin walked to the door. He knocked on the door and a few minutes later Molly answered.

"Justin!" She yelled throwing her arms around him. He winced with pain she slammed into his side but hugged her back with a smile.

"He Molly. Mom home?"

"Mom!" Molly called. A moment later Jennifer walked to the door and almost started crying when she saw Justin.

"Justin!" Just like Molly, she threw her arms around him and cried on his shoulder. "Come in, sweetie." She said stepping aside. He walked to the living room and sat down. "Can I get you something to drink? Eat? How are you feeling? Do you need somewhere to stay?" She bombarded him with questions.

"No, no, fine, and no." He said as he sat. "My side hurts where my stitches are but the doctor said that's normal. I have to go see him next week. I'm staying with Debbie. I tried to talk her out of it but she wouldn't take 'no' for an answer." Dissapointment sat on Jennifer's face and Justin knew why. She wanted him to stay with her. "I figured, if it's ok with you, I'd stay with Debbie a few nights then come stay here." Her face lit up again.

"Of course you can stay with us. We have a spare bedroom anyway." Jennifer said. Again the silence from lack of topics to discuss. Suddenly Jennifer broke the silence. "How's Brian?" She looked somewhat happy but at the same time she had the look of 'I-really-don't- care-since-he-almost-killed-my-son-twice'.

Justin hesitated a bit before answering. "Fine. Still can't move much. I'm going to visit him tomorrow to learn more. He'll probably need surgery for his broken bones." Justin planned on visiting him every day. He would make sure they were together, no matter what. _You'll always be my prince_ echoed through Justin's mind as he stared at his mother.


	11. 48 chance

"These are your options Mr. Kinney." The doctor was standing before Brian and looking calm yet stern at the same time. "Because of the damage you did to your head, you need surgery. Without the surgery, you will die." That sounded all too familiar to Brian. "With surgery, death unfortunately is still possible as with any type of surgery. However, brain surgery has higher death rates for its a major organ." His voice was unemotional and he was straight to the point. That's what Brian liked about him. Brian wasn't big on bullshit, and this doctor gave him none.

"What are my chances with the surgery?" He asked. It was the only option he wanted to take but he wanted to talk it over with his friends, family (basically his friends), and Justin.

"About a 48 chance. The bleeding and area of damage makes it difficult..." the odds were a little lower than Brian liked. "So, what do you think?"

"I'll have to talk it over with friends and family." Brian really didn't know what to call Justin. Was Justin a partner again?

"Of course. Remember though, the longer you wait, the less of a chance you have with surgery." The doctor shut his clipboard and smiled at Brian before leaving, shutting the door behind himself. _Where are you Sunshine?_ Brian stared at the wall. Laying day and night on the hospital bed surrounded by a bunch of white walls and beeping machines was driving Brian crazy. Brian picked up the phone and called Michael.

"Mikey, I need you to come to the hospital. Bring everyone. Yeah, everything is fine. Mikey, stop panicking. I have a question I need to run by everyone. Yeah, ok. Sure, bring Debbie. She should be here too. Ok. See you soon." Brian hung up the phone and sighed heavily. There was a knock at the door. "What?" Brian called. He had to keep his pissy attitude alive or he would lose it. No one seemed to mind really. For the most part they ignored him.

The door creased open. "Did someone order a hot ass?" He heard Justin's voice call into him. Brian couldn't help but laugh. Justin came around the corner wearing a nurse hat that he more than likely took from the nurse's station and he had a stethoscope around his neck. "It's time for your daily dose of _sunshine_ Mr. Kinney." He said in a very sexy way. Justin sat next to Brian and started to rub his head gently. "How are you feeling today?" He asked kissing him.

"Less and less gay." Brian said smiling and staring into Justin's eyes.

"Well, we'll have to fix that." Justin said and started making out with Brian. Brian was enjoying it, but he had to talk with Justin about what the doctor said.

"Justin, stop. I need to talk to you." Brian said pushing Justin's head up and stared into his eyes.

"What?" Justin looked confused and worried at the same time. He took Justin's hand and looked into his eyes, trying to hide any fear he had. Brian wanted to pull away but he knew he had to tell him.

"Like you know, I did a good number on my head." Brian was trying to stay as calm as possible. "I need surgery." He took a deep breath in and looked at Justin, waiting for him to reply.

"Then take the surgery!" Justin said, still confused.

"I only have a 48 chance of survival." His eyes welled with tears.

Justin stared at him with a loss for words. He started to cry. Brian reached up and wiped the tears away then pulled Justin's head to him. "I...I..." was all Justin could get out. Warm tears seeped through Brian's blanket onto his chest.

"Without the surgery, I will die." That only made Justin cry harder. Brian rubbed the back of his head.

"I don't want to lose you again." Justin said between gasps for breath. Brian's chest at this point was soaked with Justin's tears. Brian started crying lightly too until the two of them had Brian pretty wet. He pulled Justin close to him and they laid like together for what felt like forever which made Brian happy and comfortable. Then Michael came in with everyone else. Brian kissed Justin and Justin left the room. Michael's face lost color when he saw Justin leave crying because he knew it meant bad news. Brian took a deep breath in before telling everyone else.

"If I want to live, I need to have brain surgery. Without it, I won't live. But I have to talk it over with you guys first." Everyone looked worried. Michael sat on the edge of Brian's bed and Debbie sat next to him. She stared into his eyes with worry.

"What's to run by us?" She asked apprehensively. Debbie was like a mother to Brian, no matter how much he despised her nosiness, but he wouldn't be much without her. Brian could feel worried eyes burning into him. He wiped away the tears that tried to escape his eyes and took a deep breath in. "Someone please make sure Justin's okay after." He said before telling them. "I only have a 48 chance of survival."

Debbie put her hand over her mouth as did Emmett. Ted looked at the floor and Michael looked like he was going to pass out. Debbie took it upon herself to find Justin and comfort him. Ben sat with Michael and Ted and Emmett stood silently side by side. "God, Brian, I don't know what to say." Emmett was first to break the silence.

"You have to get the surgery." Michael said without looking at Brian. "48 chance is better than zero." He was surprisingly calm, despite some tears.

"You all have to agree." Brian looked at everyone else.

"You have to fix that head if you're asking us." Ted said trying to lighten the mood. "I say, go for it." Ted smiled at Brian then looked away afraid of what Brian might do.

"You do what you need to." Emmett said, joining Michael in the waterworks. Ben nodded, unsure if he had any say in the matter.

"That leaves Debbie and," he took a deep breath in, "Justin." Brain wiped more tears away. Michael shook his head and stood up.

"We'll send them in. Come on guys." They all left and a moment later Justin came back in, still crying. Brian patted the side of his bed, signaling to Justin to come and sit by him.

Justin sat and looked away, too upset to look into Brian's eyes. Brian took Justin's hand into his and made Justin look at him. "I won't do it without your permission." He said calm and compassionately. Justin tried to force a smile but couldn't.

"I can't made a life decision for you." He said quietly.

"You can when you're a big part of my life." Justin started crying more and hugged Brian tightly. "I don't want to lose you either." Brian wrapped his arms around Justin and they laid there again for awhile.

"Go for the surgery." Justin said at last. "Some chance is better than any." He smiled at Brian. "Just, don't leave me." Justin kissed Brian. It was the sweetest and best kiss he had ever gotten from anyone.

"I would never leave you." Brian said kissing Justin. They laid together until visiting hours were over. He wouldn't let anyone else in his room until Justin left. He didn't want them to be disturbed. When Justin left the doctor came in.

"Did you come to a decision?" He asked looking at Brian over his glasses.

"I'm going to do it." Brian said hesitantly.

"Good. We'll schedule it in two days then. I'll put it up now." He left and Brian shut his eyes, but get couldn't sleep all night. All he could think about was Justin. _I won't leave you. I love you._


	12. Fate

Justin just laid on his back staring at the ceiling. Ever since Brian told him about the surgery, he has been on Debbie's couch. He hadn't eaten or showed any signs of life beside occasionally getting up to use the bathroom. Everyone tried to get him to move or at least speak but Justin ignored them. All he could think about was Brian.

_What if I lose him?_ was the question that played over and over in Justin's head. "Come on Sunshine. Try some soup." Debbie said setting a bowl of soup next to him. He continued to stare at the ceiling, remaining mute. Debbie sighed and went back into the kitchen where everyone was gathered at the table eating.

"He's going to be alright." Michael told Justin in an attempt to make contact. Nothing. Justin didn't care about anyone, not even himself, at the moment. Only Brian. "He's a superhero remember?" Justin's mind drifted to _Rage_ and about how every superhero has a weakness. Michael rubbed Justin's arm but left when Justin showed no response.

"Maybe we should try a shrink?" Emmett suggested as they sat around the table eating. It was Lindsay's and Melanie's second to last night in Pittsburgh. They were staying for Brian's surgery then leaving. Hunger tore at Justin's stomach but he couldn't eat move. He wasn't sure why but he stayed on the couch as if he was permanently glued to it. In the morning he would go and stay with Brian until they took him off to surgery. He listened to everyone eat and a few hours later everyone left. No one said another word to Justin. When Debbie, Carl, and Emmett went upstairs for bed Justin decided he had to do something since he couldn't sleep anyway. Once he was sure everyone was asleep, Justin put on his coat and left.

The cool night air stung Justin's lungs a bit but he didn't care. He walked down many streets. Nothing but silence on many of the streets. The night was eerie and like a ghost story. Everywhere seemed to be closed. It was like the world was at a halt and Justin was the only one with the ability to move. With his hands in his coat pockets, Justin went from street to street as quiet and as invisible as a ghost. In his right hand he clutched a key so tight it was cutting into him but he didn't feel the pain.

When Justin came to a large building he went inside and slowly walked up the stairs, each step as precious as the last. Justin unlocked the large green door and shoved it to the side. Once inside, Justin shut and locked the door behind him then put the key back in his pocket. Suppressing tears, Justin walked to the large blue bed off to the side. He stood in front of it and stared.

Memories of the first night he and Brian fucked for the first time flashed through Justin's mind followed by the last night they spent together before Justin left for New York. Then he thought about Brian's cancer and Brian's accident after Justin's dad hit him as well as the liberty ride. Now crying, Justin crawled into the bed and laid down, taking up as much space as he could. The sheets were nice and pressed, the pillows fluffed and neatly in their place, everything just how Justin remembered it. "Like the first time." He whispered to himself then grabbed a pillow and cried himself to sleep.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Daylight finally broke the longest night Brian ever experienced. His surgery was a few hours away. He waited anxiously for Justin to show up.

At 6am Justin finally appeared. His surgery was at 7 so they let Justin spend time with him before the operation. They barricaded the door so no one could get in. Brian held Justin tightly in his arms as Justin rested his head on Brian's chest. Neither had tears left to cry but they both felt the same fear and pain in the other. Michael and everyone tried to get in but Brian wouldn't let them. He didn't care about them. Justin was most important at the time. As the dreadful hour drew nearer, Brian had Justin let in only hospital staff who prepped him. He wanted to back out but he knew he had to be strong for Justin.

Finally the horrifying hour came. Justin was crying harder than Brian had ever seen him. He seemed to find the tears to let go and Brian told him to stop because everything would be fine. Before they wheeled Brian away, Debbie and Michael entered Brian's room to escort Justin to the waiting room. It was difficult because Brian and Justin's hands were locked tightly together. With a little effort though they got Justin off. "I'll be fine." He called to Justin before they were completely gone. Justin tried to go back to Brian but Ben stopped him. Once they had Justin inside the waiting room they shut the door and Debbie sat with Justin to calm him down.

Brian was carted off to surgery and they stuck him in a room full of nurses, under a bright white light. One of the nurses stood over Brian. "Mr. Kinney, just breath and count back from ten." She said sticking a mask over his face. He counted to himself and soon his vision blurred until everything and everyone disappeared. When Brian opened his eyes, it was the same horrifying nightmare he experienced a few days ago. He was looking at himself; well what he could see between the doctors.

"That's one strong wall you have in your loft." Brian whipped around to see Vic standing behind him, smiling, yet he had a haunting look in his eyes.

"Christ! You again?" Brian said rolling his eyes.

"Watch your language." Vic's face became very serious.

"Sorry." Brian mumbled back to him.

"Well come on. No need to waist time." Vic said, his hands in his pockets, rocking on his feet a little.

"Where we going this time?" Brian said with anger.

"Up stairs. You achieved your purpose. You needed to let Justin know you loved him. You needed to let him know that he didn't lose everything and everyone." Vic said quietly.

"What? No! I promised him! Go away! Put me back in my body!" Brian lashed at Vic.

"Sorry, no can do. The Big Man wants you now." Vic told him.

Brian pushed past Vic and left the surgery room and started walking the halls. "Won't do you any good. You have no choice." Vic said, popping up in front of him.

"Move!" Brian yelled at him. He came upon the room he was looking for. The waiting room. Debbie was holding Justin, rubbing his back and swaying gently as though he was a small child. Ben and Michael sat across from them; Michaels head rested on Bens chest and Ben's head sat on top of Michaels head. Ted and Emmett sat in front of the window staring at the floor. Brian walked to Justin and stared into his eyes. They were full of more pain than Brian could ever imagine. "I won't leave him." Brian yelled at Vic.

"I already told you, you have no choice." Vic said heavily.

"Why the fuck does he want me now? He knows I'd be leaving Justin behind! I thought he was supposed to care about those on Earth!" Brian had to look away from Justin.

"It's just your time." Vic replied coldly. "I had to leave Rodney and Debbie behind. There's nothing you can do about it." The doctor that was doing the surgery opened the door to the waiting room and pulled his mask off.

Brian was angry yet he felt peaceful. He bent down and whispered in Justin's ear though he knew Justin couldn't hear him. "I will love you more than you'll ever know." Justin fell to the floor, freaking out and Ben and Michael quickly rushed to him to control him. Brian faintly heard the doctor tell them Brian had died.

_The bleeding got out of control. We tried to stop it but there was nothing we could do._ Tears poured from Justin's eyes, creating large puddles on the tile. Debbie was crying and Emmett's face was buried in Ted's shoulder who was too crying. Brian watched everyone cry and the doctor left. He couldn't bare looking at them any longer so he walked to the room they did his surgery in. His lifeless body laid on the table. A moment later a nurse covered it with a sheet. "Come on." Vic said from behind him in a calm voice.

Brian turned around and walked with Vic through the hospital. They went to the exit of the hospital where Vic disappeared into a warm light. "I'll never leave you." Brian said before he followed Vic into the light, leaving his friends, family, and lover behind.


	13. A New Start

Justin tightened the tie around his neck. He did a final comb of his hair before walking down the stairs to join everyone else. Emmett held a handkerchief to his eye that was bloodshot as he waited at the edge of the stairs for Justin. "Ready baby?" Emmett asked. Justin nodded and they went outside to the black car that sported a small rainbow flag on its hood that was dancing in the wind. Emmett helped Justin into the car where Debbie, Carl, Ben, Michael, and Ted sat quietly. Once Justin and Emmett were inside, the car began to move away from Debbie's house. Everyone stared at their laps, not saying a word. The hearse they followed also sported the distinctive rainbow flag letting everyone know that a fellow queer had left the world. The car pulled into the cemetery and everyone got out.

Lindsay, who was holding Gus, and Melanie, who was holding JR, stood around the dug up burial site waiting for everyone else. Jennifer, Cynthia, Brian's mother, Brian's sister with her two kids, Daphne, and a bunch of guys that Brian worked with were all crowded around. Justin smiled vaguely and nodded to everyone that approached him and gave him words of comfort.

A group of men pulled the coffin from the hearse and carried it to the grave while the song 'Proud' played quietly in the background. The coffin was cherry wood with gold accents around the edges and the letters "BTK" carved largely on top in cursive, which stood for "Brian Taylor-Kinney." Brian had arranged this when he was changing everything when him and Justin planned on being married. Carefully, they lowered the coffin in the grave and turned to stand behind the crowd. Justin played with Brian's old seashell bracelet which Justin kept on his wrist every since Brian's passing. He refused to take it off. After the coffin was in the ground, the priest called everyone around and read scripture from the Bible. Ironically, it was the priest who a few years ago Brian had fucked.

The it was time for anyone who wanted to speak to do so. Michael shared stories between breaking down and crying. Debbie talked about her love for Brian no matter how much he pissed her off. Lindsay shared stories about them in college. Then Justin spoke. "Brian Kinney, was, and will always be, the only man I have loved more than anything else in this world. He was an excellent father no matter how much he denied it and an excellent friend." He smiled to Lindsay and then to Michael and everyone else. "On the outside he acted tough and cold but on the inside he was soft as the pillows on his italien bed. Brian did a lot for many people, even if they weren't aware of it. He saved me from death, he saved Pittsburgh from a powerful homophobe, he saved the liberty ride, and he kept the infamous Babylon alive. He was always there for those who really needed help. I will always regret not marrying the bravest, most dedicated man I have ever met." Justin wiped away tears and gently laid a white rose along with a picture he had drawn of rage as an angel on the coffin. "I love you Brian." Justin stepped back to Debbie who hugged him and Michael smiled at him then rubbed his back for a minute.

A group of men dressed like they belonged in the dance 'YMCA' carefully folded a large rainbow flag in the style that one would do for a fallen soldier. The men handed it to Justin because Brian's mother refused it and Justin gripped it tightly to his torso. She was still ashamed of her gay son and was probably thinking he was burning in hell.

People took a handful of dirt and threw it onto the coffin. Once everyone that wanted to did so, the rest was shoveled in by the men who put the coffin in the grave. The priest gave a closing prayer that included something about Brian's soul in Heaven and for everyone on Earth to continue their journey's with optimism and joy. The little rainbow flags that were on the cars were taken off and stuck in the ground on both sides of Brian's tombstone. As everyone headed to their cars to go back to Debbie's for a feast, Justin stayed at the grave and read the tombstone over and over. _Brian Kinney; 36 years old. Greatest homosexual and best fuck Pittsburgh ever had. _It made Justin smile and feel better.

Justin felt tugging on his coat. He looked down and saw Gus staring up at him. "Don't cry. Daddy is an angel now." He told Justin with a smile. Justin help but cry a little as he smiled and bent down to Gus to hug him.

"He sure is, sonnyboy, he sure is." He took Gus's hand and walked him to Lindsay who was standing near her car crying. Justin gave Gus to Lindsay who smiled and hugged Justin before putting 

Gus in the car and driving away. Justin walked to his car and climbed in. As the car started to drive away, he glanced back at Brian's grave. He saw Brian standing there, smiling and blowing him a kiss. "I will always love you." Justin whispered as he returned the kiss. He watched the graveyard disappear into the sunset and turned back around to sit proper in his seat, a warm feeling flooding over him.


End file.
